The Monster Ball Takes St. Louis!!

A review by Darian Darqly

The Brother’s Darqly have been examining the career of this intriguing little super-starlet for a while now. Ever since we began to see her twisted antics at live appearances on awards shows coupled with her outlandish sense of style. At first listen she could easily be overlooked as another pop princess, but there is a truly artistic heart beating beneath that glittery chest, a slightly dark heart at that! When I heard her collaberative effort with Marilyn Manson (a killer remix of the song Love Game) and watched her bleed out at the end of a live performance at the MTV video music awards from a giant chandalier staged to look like it fell on her, I knew she was a kindred spirit.

A friend and I braved the treacherous ice and snow to make the 4 hour trek to St. Louis to see Lady GaGa live Thursday night (he won VIP tickets from Power 96.5 and asked me to go with him).

I fell in love with the opening band, Semi Precious Weapons, they were irreverant and crude. I can only describe their lead singer as Iggy Pop, Ziggy Stardust, Eddie Izzard and a dash of Cruella DeVille. Their glam/punk persona commanded attention when they took the stage. They beat us all into submission with their crass lyrics and manic sound (just the way I like it). They reminded me of some of the great bands that 1st gave punk it’s wings.

Jason Derulo’s smooth, sultery R & B vocals filled the elegant Fox Theater next. I was impressed to learn that he’s been performing since he was 5 and wrote his 1st song at age 8! His hopeful message in song reminded me that maybe love is worth the risk and if love doesn’t blossom, at least you got laid and there aint nothin’ wrong with that. His slick dance moves made the girls (and some of the boys) swoon. Remember, the poor guy was swimming in a sea of gays. While he didn’t seem uncomfortable, he never missed an opportunity to remind the audience how straight he is (can you blame him?), but he did throw us a bone when he ripped his shirt off at the end! Usher would’ve been proud!

It was time for Lady Gaga! The moment of truth had arrived..I may have had an ulterior motive for coming to the show..I was determined to settle the hermaphrodite rumors once and for all (yes, that’s a joke)! However, her opening number featured an array of beautiful male and female dancers dressed in androgynous body stockings that made it look like they had no genetalia. At the close of the song she was kind enough to dispell all the myths by informing us that she is, in fact, endowed with an incredibly large cock! Then she proceeded to feign stroking it!! The crowd roared with laughter and applause.

The show was packed with glitter and gizmos, seemingly holographic imagery and an almost performance-art style that would make Andy Warhol shed a complimentary tear. There were costumes a drag queen would die for and seamless choreography, sweaty hot dancing girls and boys (did I mention the boys?) To sum up the theatrics, I felt like I’d died and gone to Barbarella! It was glorious!

Mid-show, GaGa sat down to play a smoldering baby grand that looked like a war torn piece of wreckage – the Frankenstein of pianos (It’s what other pianos have bad dreams about). But when she began to play, the irony of bringing forth such beautiful music from something so ugly, subtly drove home the tour’s message about false perceptions and it also removed all doubt that this is a gifted musician before you.

There was a lot of playful banter with the crowd, but she did have some empowering things to say to her adoring fans. She encouraged them not to be crushed by the criticism of small minds that can’t see them for who they really are (which is kind of the theme of her Monster Ball tour). I was moved by her genuine affection for them and her compassion for people in general (She is currently teaming up with Virgin mobile to find housing for homeless people in the U.S.).

The infamous reverend blah blah and his Kansas based gestapo had every intention of raining fire and brimstone on the St. Louis show because of GaGa’s enormous popularity in the homosexual community and what he considers to be her general ungodliness. However, God apparently canceled their scheduled protest on account of snow! (If they can’t stand the cold, I can think of somewhere warmer they can go). I found her sense of humor and cheeky way of dealing with her critics endearing. Make no mistake, the Lady is not afraid to show her teeth! The moral of this story “darqlings” is that Lady GaGa may not have a penis, but she’s definitely got a set of monster balls and I give her props for that! If you can’t afford to catch this tour, sell a kidney! It’s worth it!

Thanks Dennis and Power 96.5 for an evening to remember!